ON PUBLISHING OR PERISHING
I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because someone has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the top.
English Professor, Ohio University
ON MARTIAL ARTS AND METAPHYSICS
Deja Fu: The feeling that somehow, somewhere, you've been kicked in the head like this before.
To err is human, to moo bovine.
ON DEEP THOUGHTS
A day without sunshine is like night.
ON MATHEMATICAL TRANSFORMS
A polar bear is a rectangular bear after a co-ordinate transform.
Some people say that I must be a horrible person, but that's not true. I have the heart of a young boy. In a jar. On my desk.
ON PROBLEM SOLVING
When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to resemble a nail.
He who dies with the most toys, is, nonetheless, still dead.
ON RELIGIOUS PRACTICES
Neutrinos have mass? I didn't know they were Catholic.
If you had everything, where would you keep it?
The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
ON REVISIONIST HISTORY
What was sliced bread the greatest thing since?
When aiming for the common denominator, be prepared for the occasional division by zero.
ON MATERIAL SCIENCE
Character density: The number of very weird people in the office.
Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
ON EXPLANATION OF THE END
One of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
The meek shall inherit the earth-they are too weak to refuse.
Grabel's Law: 2 is not equal to 3 -- not even for very large values of 2.
ON WORLD POLITICS
Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggy" until you can find a rock.
ON DRUGS AND DEVELOPMENT
There are two major products to come out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX. We don't believe this to be a coincidence.