1. Your wife/sister complains about that framed portrait of Hulk Hogan over the fireplace.
2. More than one living relative is named after a Southern Civil War general.
3. You think the stock market has a fence around it.
4. You think the O.J. trial was the big Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test.
5. You've ever lost a loved one to kudzu.
7. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
8. Your front porch collapses and kills more than three dogs.
10. You've ever used lard in bed.
11. Your coffee table used to be a telephone cable spool.
12. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
13. You've ever used a toilet seat as a picture frame.
14. Your home has more miles on it than your car.
15. Your Christmas tree is still up in February.
16. You've ever been arrested for loitering.
17. You think that potted meat on a saltine is an hors d'ouvre.
18. There is a stuffed possum anywhere in your house.
19. You hammer bottle caps into the frame of your front door to make it look nice.
20. You've ever shot anyone for looking at you.