Shooting Yourself in the Foot

C++:
You accidentally create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them all in the foot. Providing emergency medical assitance is impossible since you can't tell which are bitwise copies and which are just pointing at others and saying, "That's me, over there."

FORTRAN:
You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes; then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you continue anyway because you have no exception-handling routine.

COBOL:
USEing a COLT 45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.Foot, THEN place ARM.HAND.FINGER on HANDGUN.TRIGGER and SQUEZZE. THEN return HANDGUN to HOLSTER. CHECK whether shoelace needs to be retied.

BASIC:
Shoot yourself in the foot with water pistol. On big systems, continue until entire lower body is waterlogged.

Pascal:
The compiler won't let you shoot yourself in the foot.

HyperTalk:
Put the first bullet of the gun into foot left of leg of you. Answer the result.

UNIX:
% ls foot.c foot.h foot.o toe.c toe.o %rm *.o rm: .o: No such file or directory % ls %

Motif:
You spend days writing a UIL description of your foot, the trajectory, the bullet, and the intricate scrollwork on the ivory handles of the gun. When you finally get around tu pulling the trigger, the gun jams.

Apple System 7:
Double click the gun icon and a window giving a selection for guns, target areas, plus ballon help with medical remedies, and assorted sound effects. Click shoot button and small bomb apears with note "Error of type 1 has occurred."

Smalltalk:
You spend so much time playing with the graphics and windowing system that your boss shoots you in the foot, takes away your workstation and makes you develop in COBOL on a character terminal.

LISP:
You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds ...

FORTH:
Foot in yourself shoot.

APL:
You shoot yourself in the foot, then spend all day figuring out how to do it fewer characters.

Modula2:
After realizing that you can't actually accomplish anything in this language, you shoot yourself in the head.

SNOBOL:
If you succeed, shoot yourself in the left foot. If you fail, shoot yourself in the right foot.

Concurrent Euclid:
You shoot yourself in somebody else's foot.

Paradox:
Not only can you shoot yourself in the foot, your users can too.

Revelation:
You'll be able to shoot yourself in the foot just as soon as you figure out what all these bullets are for.

Prolog:
You tell your program you want to be shot in the foot. The program figures out how to do it, but the syntax doesn't allow it to explain.

370 JCL:
You send your foot down to MIS with a 4000-page document explaining how you want it to be shoot. Three years later, your foot comes back deep-fried.

Ada:
After correctly packaging your foot, you attempt to concurrently load the gun, pull the trigger, scream and shoot yourself in the foot. When you try, however, you discover that your foot is of the wrong type.

Assembly:
You try to shoot yourself in the foot only to discover you must first reinvent the gun, the bullet, and your foot.

Visual Basic:
You'll shoot yourself in the foot, but you'll have so much fun doing it that you won't care.