Author: unknown

Made Toasters

If IBM made toasters ... They would want one big toaster where people bring there bread to be submitted for overnight toasting. IBM would claim a worldwide market for five, maybe six toasters.

If Xerox made toasters ... You could toast one-sided or double-sided. Successive slices would get lighter and lighter. The toaster would jam your bread for you.

Radio Shack
If Radio Shack made toasters ... The staff would sell you a toaster, but know nothing about it. Or you could buy all the parts to build your own toaster.

If Oracle made toasters ... They'd claim their toaster was compatible with all brands and styles of bread, but when you got home you'd discover the Bagette Engine was still in development, the Croissant Extention was three years away, and that indeed the whole appliance was just blowing smoke.

If Sun made toasters ... The toast would burn often, but you could make a real good cup of Java.

Does DEC still make toasters ? ... They made really good toasters in the '80s, didn't they.

And, of course: If Microsoft made toasters ... Every timer you bought a loaf of bread you would have to buy a toaster. You wouldn't have to take the toaster, but you'd still have to pay for it anyway. Toaster 95 would weight 15000 pounds (therefor the need for a reinforced steel countertop), draw enough electricity to power a small city, take up 95% of the space in your kitchen, would claim to be the first toaster that lets you control how light or dark you want your toast to be, and would secretly interrogate your other appliances to find out who made them. Everyone would hate Microsoft toasters, but nonetheless would buy them since almost all of the good bread only works with their toasters.

Apple If Apple made toasters ... They would do everything the Microsoft toasters do but 5 years earlier.

If SAP made toasters ... The manual to run the toaster would be about 10.000 pages long. The toaster would come with 2.500 switches which would all have to be set in an exact pattern and in a precise sequence order to toast specific kinds of bread. Each pattern would be established by SAP's experts. It would take a team of of basis and functional contractors about 1 year to configure your toaster in the best manner and another 6 month to test it. In the mean time your entire family would need to take extensive training on how to use the toaster. Of course, the online help would randomly pop-up in German. But once it was running, you'd get the best toast in the world.
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