Xerox
If Xerox made toasters ... You could toast
one-sided or double-sided. Successive slices would get lighter and lighter.
The toaster would jam your bread for you.
Radio Shack
If Radio Shack made toasters ... The staff
would sell you a toaster, but know nothing about it. Or you could buy all
the parts to build your own toaster.
Oracle
If Oracle made toasters ... They'd claim
their toaster was compatible with all brands and styles of bread, but when
you got home you'd discover the Bagette Engine was still in development,
the Croissant Extention was three years away, and that indeed the whole
appliance was just blowing smoke.
Sun
If Sun made toasters ... The toast would
burn often, but you could make a real good cup of Java.
DEC
Does DEC still make toasters ? ... They
made really good toasters in the '80s, didn't they.
Microsoft
And, of course: If Microsoft made toasters
... Every timer you bought a loaf of bread you would have to buy a toaster.
You wouldn't have to take the toaster, but you'd still have to pay for
it anyway. Toaster 95 would weight 15000 pounds (therefor the need for
a reinforced steel countertop), draw enough electricity to power a small
city, take up 95% of the space in your kitchen, would claim to be the first
toaster that lets you control how light or dark you want your toast to
be, and would secretly interrogate your other appliances to find out who
made them. Everyone would hate Microsoft toasters, but nonetheless would
buy them since almost all of the good bread only works with their toasters.
Apple
Apple If Apple made toasters ... They
would do everything the Microsoft toasters do but 5 years earlier.
SAP
If SAP made toasters ... The manual to
run the toaster would be about 10.000 pages long. The toaster would come
with 2.500 switches which would all have to be set in an exact pattern
and in a precise sequence order to toast specific kinds of bread. Each
pattern would be established by SAP's experts. It would take a team of
of basis and functional contractors about 1 year to configure your toaster
in the best manner and another 6 month to test it. In the mean time your
entire family would need to take extensive training on how to use the toaster.
Of course, the online help would randomly pop-up in German. But once it
was running, you'd get the best toast in the world.
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