The world in general likes to believe that the insular computer boffin does not know the meaning of love-making. Of course this is not true. Most IT specialists have healthy and rewarding sex lives - often with other humans - which keep them bright and smiling as they tap away at the keyboard and chuckle at the fading Dilbert cartoon stuck to their monitor. And the true professional always behaves faithfully to his chosen development environment - even in the bedroom....
Pascal
You make love to your girlfriend.
BASIC
You waggle your penis ineffectually at
your girlfriend.
Visual BASIC
You get a tattoo on your penis, then waggle
it ineffectually at your girlfriend.
C
Every time you make love to your partner,
your penis points in a different direction. You don't notice until
eventually it points
straight up your own arse.
C++
Both your girlfriend and her cousin use
the same method of love-making with you. Unfortunately, they both
inherited it from their father, and you painfully waddle home sporting
an anus like the Japanese flag.
COBOL
IF SLAPPED_FACE
NEXT SENTENCE
ELSE
PERFORM A_FONDLE_BREASTS
THRU
B_APOLOGISE_FOR_MESS
VARYING W_GRIMACE
UNTIL W_TESTICLES_EMPTY = TRUE.
SQL
You make love to your girlfriend, but
it takes hours, and everyone in the street has to wait until you've finished
before they can make love to their partners. When you've finished,
you tell your girlfriend that you're not committed to her, and she pretends
you never made love in the first place.
Assembly language
You spend weeks with a propelling pencil
and some graph paper planning exactly how you're going to make love to
your girlfriend, but when the moment comes you end up enthusiastically
buggering the cat. Afterwards you pretend that you wanted to do that
anyway.
Unix
You want to make love to your girlfriend
the really clever way you did it yesterday, but you've forgotten it.
NT
Someone else regularly makes ActiveLove(tm)
to your girlfriend without asking you, and you can never catch the fucker
at it and don't know how to make them stop.
Microsoft Word '97
You proudly unveil your erection in the
bedroom. Your girlfriend winks at you and says "It looks like you're
going to have a wee. Would you like some help with weeing?".
Java
You learn a technique which is supposed
to bring any girl to orgasm, but it only works with your mother.
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