Frightened take a Frightened hand.

July 2001


03.07.2001 (tu), Atlanta

What would you think, if somebody tells you, that she will be busy the next three weeks? I mean, after you called her a few times.
Well, at least she was polite enough to call back:-)
I thought it is enough to have the butterfly in you stomach (very small butterflies but however) even for a short time and without any response, I thought it would be enough just to get reminded how this feels. Yes, I am reminded, but I don't like it.


05.07.2001 (th), Atlanta

Jepp, energy is back.
I feel really good. Sitting in front of the tv set and really enjoy a "Friends" show.
This day was good, I got another call from the New York guys, they renewed their offer "Christopher, we still think that you would be best what we can get.". This is cool. Thx a lot. 
Yesterday was the 4th of July. The 4th of July is supposed to be sunny, you go and have a barbeque, later a nice firework all over having a lot of beer.
That is, what a usual 4th of July is supposed to be.
This 4th of July was spotted rain the whole day. At 4pm we went to Marks place having a few Hot Dogs, beers and then went to the game Braves vs. Phillies. It was nice but they interrupted the game twice because of the rain and I haven't seen any firework at all. Damnit. (By the way: the Braves lost 4:1.)
Ah, and I have met Stacey at the game. I AM really a good self controller:-) I think I stay with my own, seems to be the only one who at least is able to tolerate me.
She made it very easy for me to stay away from her because she was dressed in a shirt with very obvious buttons, I hate that, buaeh.
Oh, and I again found a penny yesterday, it is the second or third I've found in the US so far, I think now it should start to work, isn't it supposed to work? I found pennies and I lost all my money (up to the limit) at playing, this means luck, I only have to stand until time gets lucky. (If you translate this sentence, it has a really strange meaning.)


09.07.2001 (mo), Atlanta



15.07.2001 (su), Atlanta

We were out at Arpe Diem yesterday that was nice. I am really Americanized, talking to strangers about entirely nothing, means nothing meaningful. You can have a lot of fun doing that, it is what Americans usually call "to party". 
Mark introduced me to two girls who had lived in Germany for three years, they were from Yugoslavia and now since three years in Atlanta. They had a guy with them who was for sure - Mark and I agreed - one of the biggest assholes we ever met. But the girls were good-looking... and nothing more. Talking to them become boring as trying to explain the meaning of gravity  to a mountain. But as I said, they look good, exactly that type of women who need to know what car you drive and need to estimate a satisfying order of numbers for your salary and bank account. I got her phone number (she gave it to me before they left), cannot explain why I took it, use this explanation: I am a guy. Evolution forces me to setup any possibility to spread my genes all over the continents.
Later I talked to two girls to figure out that they were from Germany (Au-pair), and then hear the rest of the evening stories about the tough life of guarding children of an American family which lives the American Way Of Life supported by Au-pair girls which have to face, that Atlanta has one basic rule: To have no car sucks like hell.


18.07.2001 (we), Atlanta

Stefan and I met the German Au-pair girls again. We went to the Tu Tu Tango in Buckhead and for sure - lets say this was the highlight of the evening - I got my shrimps and the Alligator Bites I like so much.


19.07.2001 (th), Atlanta

"Would you like to come in to have a coffee?" she asked.
"No." I replied.
I have two possible explanations, one is, I am really getting old and have to ensure to get enough sleep a night (it was almost 2am). The second is, I am not interested in "having coffee" any more.
Now, I determine that I spend at least 100 dollars this evening, may I should have taken the advantage out of this "investment", but I didn't.
Should I try to be proud of that? I hear a lot of guys yelling: "you idiot". Yes I am, and it feels great.:-)
And - by the way - the lesser interest you have (maybe also: the lesser interest you "show"), the more opportunities you will face. This is - in fact - the basic truth and the source of the rumor (or the legend) of the nice guys which always will fail to be as successful as the assholes. 
That also means, I am now an asshole, but a nice one.


24.07.2001 (tu), Bellheim, Germany

I am back.
Arrived yesterday morning ON TIME. (Yeah, I knew I can do it!)
Slept this morning until 1pm, than I called my mother to inform her that I will drive to Freiburg to meet her tomorrow, not today as planed.
The rest of the day I will be completely busy in doing nothing.
The weather is wonderful. 30 degrees (Celsius) and no humidity.


26.07.2001 (th), Bellheim, Germany

I am a good son. Drove to Freiburg yesterday. My mother supplied me with a bunch of stuff for our barbeque yesterday evening.


28.07.2001 (sa), Bellheim, Germany

Damn, Iris and Boris are married.
We were on the wedding party in Cologne yesterday. Was nice, a little bit like going around with raw eggs in your pockets which had to be guided save through the evening, but anyway - nice evening. If I am not going wrong, this Dusseldorf woman was hiding on me, but - seriously - my mind was too busy with other things.
I definitely do not behave like I am supposed to behave, neither like I usually "am". Like standing on a cliff ready and willing to jump, double parachute on, secure rope connected and still thinking of another possibility what can go wrong. This is neither the old, nor the new Christopher, this is a guy I don't know and I really, really don't like. (What I would like to do is, jump, than think over the meaning of parachutes while falling.)
I still try to convince myself, that I haven't done anything, right or wrong, really nothing. But I know, sometimes you should keep your mouth shut. Sometimes you should try to be more careful with what you do and what you want and keep yourself covered. 


30.07.2001 (mo), Atlanta

30 degree (Celsius) and humidity like hell. I really don't like the Atlanta summer.:-)|
My plane got in on time after a very short flight. I read the whole "Mort" from Terry Pratchett, tried to enjoy "Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon" (this movie is horrible). I had a serious conversation with the lady on the right of me, Amy, good-looking, American, working in Germany, visiting her family in Atlanta, was complaining about the fact that she got a ticket for not separating six different types of trash (in Germany we take rubbish very seriously).
She took a taxi to Marietta, gave me a kiss (cheek) and her telephone number (calling card, private phone number written on the back side). And - at last for a  short moment VERY proud of myself - I throw it to the trashcan when stepping back inside the airport on my way to Marta. At least in mind, I am off the market :-) 
Back to my flat I really managed to sit 30 minutes still on the couch (need to catch up my nicotine level:-) then I went to the gym. Now I am sitting here and it hurts badly (got a jittering hand when trying to get the coke can up:-), I am tired like hell and consume all the Friends and Seinfeld shows I taped during the week (starting too early, switching off too soon).